there is just too much to say

and too many pictures.  and too many thank yous.  I am blessed beyond words.  I have been so thoroughly loved on in these past weeks, actually in these past 6 months, actually in these past 11 years, that i am speechless.

I was looking at this blog tonight, wanting to remember what it was that i write about usually, because i couldn't be interesting or witty to save my life right now, but as i was scrolling back i found this post that i wrote back in february as i was looking towards michael's traveling days.


I certainly did not know at the time that these "3 to 5 months" of traveling would result in me selling my house and moving to arkansas AFTER living apart from michael for nearly 6 months.  I certainly did not know that when i wrote that post.  Surely he never would have taken the assignment if we had known that.  But tonight i am in awe from all that i have learned and experienced in this last half of a year.

for my benefit, and because i like lists, i shall now list some of the things that i have learned.

1. I am stronger, by God's grace alone, than i ever thought i was

2. I am a better mother now than i was 6 months ago.

3.  I am keenly aware of my selfishness and pride and need for the Holy Spirit's intervention on my behalf - as all of my sins are ever before me these days.  
As Leigh once said, "We are like a tube of toothpaste.  We don't really know what's inside us until we get squeezed."  Under pressure, i have not always liked what has come out over these past few months. 

4.  I don't have it bad at all.  i sometimes complain because i like to talk, but i am constantly reminded by all that i see and hear and read that my life is a breeze compared to about 99% of the rest of the mothers in the world.

5.  I have the best friends, best family, and best church community that i have ever known.  From my Kansas friends who pray for me and call to check on me, to my family who has re-arranged their summer to help us, to my friends in houston who have shared more meals, and read more books to my kids and in general kept me from going crazy for 6 months - i am eternally grateful and hope to one day be as generous to you as you all have been to me. 

6.  I once felt a lot of pride that i should be able to do things on my own.  i have mostly given up on that.  i need people.  i am relationally driven, lacking in organization, and am at my best when i am with others.  so there it is.  i need you people, and that's all i have to say about that. 

7.  i could probably count on 2 hands the number of times that i have cried in the past 5 years.  but i can safely say that i have cried or started to cry about 4 times a day over the past 3 weeks.  ridiculous.  i have to drink twice as much water these days just to stay hydrated. 

8.  Putting aside all of my emotions and love for my houston family, i am actually curious and nervous and a little excited to see what this next year in arkansas will be.  It feels like i am getting ready for a first date.  maybe that is why i have scheduled a haircut for tomorrow when i should be packing.  i feel like i want to be at my best when i go to live with my husband and meet my new home.