saving it all

i have no memory.  that is why i believe I could never become a good writer or storyteller.  I cannot remember the funny things that people say or the place and time where meaningful things happen.  Along with being able to sing and play an instrument, this is one of those qualities I wish that I could convince God to change in me.  But so be it for now.  That is probably why He gave me Frank.  He remembers everything.  (for example, he drew this picture at school this week from memory for ford:  how can he remember in such detail)?

{note: take photo, upload photo, then post picture of that photo here}

I have a memory for ridiculous pieces of information that no one cares about.  i can remember exact details of stories I hear about people, I just can't remember the names of the people or where those stories take place.  I can remember smells and weather and the way I used to feel when I play an old album that I played all the time in college.  but its the details that escape me.  That is why blogging was so good for me.  its like a time capsule. 

This week, i had a few things i didn't want to forget.

On wednesday, after frank and i did school together, i threw the tennis ball at his racket a few times, but when we were done, I explained that I would need to go inside for my exercise time with Jillian.

that is, Jillian Michaels, my new exercise buddy who is going to help me lose these last ten pounds and strange knee cellulite that I did not know existed until after having a third baby.  Frank asked if he could exercise with me, and of course I said yes, because after all, homeschooling might as well include PE, and i thought having frank there would make it more fun for me.  frank makes most everything fun.  that's just the way he is.
So we were doing jabs and punches and squats and kicks and Jillian is talking to us, telling us that we need to "make it count", and not to "phone it in," and she is saying "nice job," and frank stops and says:



"Can she really see us?"

and i said: "What do you think?  Do you think she can see us?"

and frank says: "No.  I don't think she can see us, because if she could see me, she would really say, "Um.. I don't think you are doing that right.""

ford's first day of school

 I picked up Ford from mother's day out yesterday.  On thursdays, i let him stay through nap time so as to maximize my thursday time with john (and to be honest - to have just 5 hours of peace and quietness in my week).
As usual, Ford opted not to sleep during his 1 1/2 hours nap time at school.  I don't believe he disrupts the other children, because they have not told me that I have to take him home during this time, but he certainly has not ever taken a nap this year.   As I walked in the dark room yesterday, he immediately bolts up and off of his cot and runs at me.  I ask if he napped, knowing the answer already, and Ms. Heather, his teacher, informs me that he did not.  and ford tells me that he was talking to Bobby Doggie.  and I sigh and say, "oh dear, Fordy."  and he looks at me and pats me on the back and says, "oh dear, Mama." 


Ford really got going with his talking about 6 months ago.  and now he is unstoppable.  he is one of those kids who decides to wait to actually talk until they can speak entire sentences.  and every day I am amazed at what he says and how he says it, and the fact that he actually knows so much more than he ever lets onto.  Ford is, however, too funny to put into words on a blog.  It is more about how he says things than the what he says.  That is why we are trying to get him on video more.  whenever I get organized, i will put a video {   here    }.
Today, a little girl asked him what his name was.  He said, holding up 3 fingers, "i'm two..... and i have blue eyes."  he also started calling everyone "doodyhead" or "boobyhead" or "noodyhead" this week.    this is proving to be a hard habit to break.  If he calls you doodyhead, please don't hold it against him.  forgive us, and know that we are working on it.


john today is 4 months and one day old.  He is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given.
he laughs out loud.  he is patient with me.  he smiles at everyone he meets.  the only times he cries are when he is overtired, or if someone yells - i can tell he is a peacemaker - he doesn't like it when we are yelling at the other boys.  he is pure joy.  the last two nights he has even blessed me with sleeping through the night again (though, truthfully, I have a sneaking fear that something happened with the monitor that first night, and that perhaps I just did not hear him waking up) but regardless of the reason - he is sleeping, i am so very grateful.

John is my best little buddy.  I know that other women have said it so much more elegantly, but I wish I could describe in words, our special bond.  it is beautiful.  when your babies are still babies, there is nothing like it.  no one can love them like you, and likewise, I am sure that no one has more power than a mama has over her baby.  I don't mean that in a crude awful sort of way, but in a way that fills me with such awe and reverence for my job.

i look at this sweet little man, and i see that every part of who he is - is here because of me.  every centimeter that he grows (forgive my bluntness here) is from the food that goes into my body and then back out to him.  everything that he learns or does not learn at this young age is due to the environment that I put him in.  he learns to smile because we smile at him.  He learns to love because he is loved.  my role in his life is huge right now.
I wish sometimes I could go back and do it all over again with frank.  I wouldn't change one single thing about frank, but just about how I was as a new mom.  i was so nervous and scared to spoil him.  I did not understand almost 6 years ago, that you truly cannot spoil a baby.  all that they need is spoiling and cuddling and smiling and loving.  oh it is curious.  when i had only one baby, and plenty of time to do all that spoiling, i didn't understand how precious that time was.  now that I finally understand, i am so busy that there is not enough time in the day or energy in my body to give all that i want to give to these little men.

yesterday, I was shopping for a dress for the museum opening cocktail party.  a party of whose caliber I have never before, nor likely am ever to be invited to again.  I made friends with an older, not old, but more mature woman who said she has three children, the oldest of which is 21, the middle, 18, and the youngest is 16.  Same age differences as my boys.  she said if she could stop the clock and turn it back to when they were this age, she would do it in a second.  precious.  this time is precious.  how foolish I would be to ever take it for granted.  I feel like it will be gone before i even begin to know what I am doing.