today was not one of my shining moments. 

all that beautiful, post holiday ambition of being intentional with my kids was eaten by the giant monster pile of laundry.  it was beaten down by my lack of arms that are full of homeschooling papers, a wiggly baby that wants to crawl and a three year old who has to sit on the potty but cannot yet unsnap the little skinny jeans his dad bought for him. 

my lofty goals of waking up early were squashed at 4:50 when i returned to my room from my early morning meeting with my youngest son.  as i walked past the alarm clock set for 5:45am, i thought, "nope" and switched it off as i passed by. 

i yelled - well, maybe i didn't yell - but i spoke in a most unloving tone to the pediatrician's office that has a horrible scheduling system. 

i asked my oldest son to stop talking at least 15 times today. 

I called mother's day out and asked them to keep my second born son just a few hours longer so my youngest son could finish his nap. 

I hid in that strange cyber alternate universe that has become a bizarre mental escape for me when i want to check out of the world around me.  i told my son i needed an hour of quiet so i could do my Bible study - i believe i spent 45 min. on the computer, 10 min. changing my outfit because i was grossed out by what i was wearing, and 5 min. actually looking at the Bible.

i tried to redeem the day with a trip to the bakery and then the park.  my precious ford had mananged to keep his underwear dry throughout the entire past 2 days - including during naps.  I held him - hovering over the toilet at the bakery because he was too afraid to sit on it and too short to get his business up over the edge.  I held him - hovering over that toilet for at least 2 minutes - just waiting there for the trickle to come.  finally it came.  it was precious.  perhaps the highlight of my day.  our first urination in a public place.  high 5!  good job bud, let's go to the park.

sitting on a bench at the park, enjoying the abnormally warm sun - attempting to keep the sleepy baby happy.  i watch ford play.  i listen to frank play.  and I almost begin to relax, and then i see it.  The look.

it is the look of ford, wandering to a secluded spot - pooping in his pants. 
i guess you don't know not to do it, until you do it. 

thank goodness for those free park provided dog-intended pooper-scooper bags.  those are heavy duty.  I initally put the bag in the van - thinking that i could perhaps salvage the brand new, first time worn batman underwear.  but as i drove, i thought, nope.  i just gotta let this one go. 


i think that is how today feels. 
i just gotta let this one go.